Sharing our stories is perhaps the best way to help each other build bridges of acceptance and understanding. This is my story of my search for the same information about my genetic heritage that most people simply take for granted.
As I am asking visitors to help me find my roots by sharing family photographs, telling stories or participating in genetic genealogy studies it is only fair that I tell my story and explain my goals. The adoption search process is one that is not very well understood by many people who are not adopted. This is very personal stuff to be putting out on a website but I need help from my biological family and cousins and they need to understand why.
I am adopted and some adoptees have a greater desire to know their family medical history and roots then others. That sense of looking in the mirror and wanting to know who is looking back is called genealogical bewilderment. I wrote in my editorial Our Birthright why search post about the importance of knowing our biological heritage for a better understanding of our identity and our sense of self. This sense of genealogical bewilderment has driven me to a lifetime search for my biological mother and father.
The needs of the various parties in the adoption triad of adopting parents, birth family and the adopted child are very complex. As an adoptee I love my Mom and Dad they have given me a precious gift by adopting me and accepting me as their own . My Mom and Dad understand that my search for my birth family does not mean I love them any less. My biological parents and their family need to understand I already have a family. I have no intention on invading and disrupting their lives. I am not looking for anything beyond the same information that everyone else takes for granted. This is simply a quest for knowledge and understanding about myself.
When I found my birth mother in 1991 I was able to tell her how much I appreciated the courage she showed in placing me for adoption with a loving family that had the ability to care for me. I met wonderful sisters and learned so much about why I am who I am. Some of the information I learned saved my life and gave me a self acceptance about who I am that had escaped me for decades.
The search for my father has not gone as smoothly. My birth mother initially was unable to share much more then my birth father was a sailor on shore leave when the USS Shenandoah , a US Navy destroyer tender, made a stop in Boston in 1953. It is a long complicated story but fifteen years after finding my birth mother the name Owen Cottrell came to my attention as the name of my birth father. Owen Cottrell was not from the Boston area but he just happened to be on leave from the USS Shenandoah in August of 1953. My Mother initially simply told me that the name Owen Cottrell did “give her pause” but she later confirmed that she was with Owen Cottrell the night she believes I was conceived. This began the five year odyssey of confirming the information I now had. The difficulty has come because Owen Cottrell died before I ever had a chance to meet him so we can’t ask him about that night in Boston in August of 1953. The response from the immediate family to my request for help ranged from “come back when you have proof” (that is what I was asking them to help me with) to refusing all contact.
I need to reach out on the Internet in the hopes my siblings will read what I have to say and have the compassion to have a change of heart. I am also reaching out to Cottrell,Gibson and Toman cousins who might have the compassion to help me get the answers. Fortunately for adoptees like myself the science of identifying our ancestors through genetic genealogy has been rapidly progressing. The tools and databases are now in place so its no longer if but when we will have the answers of our heritage.
If you are visiting these pages because you are a DNA match with me I hope you will help us identify our common ancestor. I will do all the work I just need a willingness to share information. If you are here as a potential cousin because you are a descendant of the Cottrell, Toman, Gibson or Spillers family I hope you will reach out to me and spend just a few minutes of your time to help me get the information that I need to complete the story of me. A few pictures and a story or two and Ill go way if that is all you want.
So far the evidence of my Owen Cottrell connection is compelling. My mother says I most likely have the right father. The picture of my son at twenty -two and Owen Cottrell at the same age seem to bear way too much resemblance to be mere coincidence. There are other pictures of others in the Cottrell family that look very similar to me and then there is that “look” that certain gaze with our eyes that several of us share. In short a picture is worth a thousand words. Matching one member of the family might be a coincidence but to have so many people in my family look like so many in the Cottrell family really points to some sort of genetic link.
As for genetic proof , I share an unusual YDNA value with the Cottrell that is present in less than 2% of the general population. This eliminates 98% of the likelihood I have this wrong. In addition two Cottrell 5th Cousin’s and I share enough autosomal DNA to be valid as shared DNA by descent not chance. Our latest test runs October of 2011 with the latest software show that we have valid matches with eachother and based on those matches we are 6 generations from our common ancestor. Hiram Cottrell is 6 generations back from my cousin and I and our match results are textbook for our predicted relationship. This cousin and I also have at least 20 matches with others in common. In addition I have seven other matches with identified common ancestors. This includes a genetic match with descendants of the ancestors of Hiram Cottrell, Lucy Toman , Myrtle Gibson, and Sarah Spillers. These matches with potential grandmother,great grandmother and great great grandmother certainly add to the growing list of evidence that I have my Owen Cottrell family connection correct. The most recent piece of evidence is an analysis of the DNA of two other descendants of Hiram Cottrell. There are aspects of this analysis that defy anything but the conclusion of a genetic connection with the Cottrell family.
This has been an amazing journey, I feel I am so close to the answers I have spent a lifetime searching for. I keep hoping one of Owens other children or grandchildren when they are old enough will help me by taking a quick Free at home Family Tree DNA Family Finder test to help us determine one way or the other if my relationship to Owen Cottrell is fact or just a series of unlikely coincidences.
Perhaps the most important part of my search process is I need to eliminate any question that my birth father may be someone else. What good is it to have family history if its the wrong family? I hope my genetic matches from 23andme and Family Tree DNA will help me explore all the possibilities. One of those other possibilities is Philip J Taylor of Tell City Indiana. I know from my mother that Philip Taylor was with Owen Cottrell the night we believe I was conceived,
I hope additional members of the Cottrell family will volunteer for the Cottrell family research project at ancestor-projects.com . This is a genealogy project, I am not looking for anything except for knowledge of my roots. The Family Tree DNA tests are used for genetic genealogy purposes only. As I am 57 years old its not like my genetic match is going to end up with a foundling child to take care of but they will have made a huge difference in the knowledge about myself.
Thank you in advance for any help you might provide. Please email me at mark@capeflier.com if you can help in any way at all. I am friendly and approachable so I am happy to chat on the phone as well. Mark